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I broke through his amoebae-like "Wall 'o Friends who Act Like Security Guards" and shook the hand of Willie Nelson! A crowning achievement in my life! I stuttered something like, "Thanks for all the music!" or somesuch.
WRITER'S EMBELLISHMENT: Willie's guards turned to me in a double take. "Where did HE get through?". Willie motioned with his eyes towards his bus. It was all the instruction the posse needed. I was plucked from the ground and swiftly carried inside the dark mobile chamber of horrors. I spent the rest of the day in a semi-conscious state, my body and spirit mangled by whatever means of wicked torture Willie's henchmen could imagine. I awoke days later, face down on the floor to the searing spatter of hot grease on my back as it erupted from the grill in the back of Carl's Truck Stop.
I took a wizz with Billie Joe Shaver.
On a Saturday night, I was out at a fine food establishment that shall remain anonymous for reasons that will soon be apparent. Randy Hopper and his band was doing a wonderful job on stage, and Randy was awfully kind to ask me to play a few songs during a break. When another songwriter hands me the keys to his audience for a few minutes, that's not a responsibility I take lightly. So I always feel a little special pressure to keep them interested. And I get a little worried if for whatever reason they don't seem to be with me. I was making my way through my "Donkey" song when I realized that nobody out there was with me. "Big trouble!", I thought. "I must've lost 'em with the end of the chorus!" Then I realize they're all cocking their heads in unison to get a look behind me. I heard someone say, "RAT!" and the faces of the ladies all turned sour. "Did someone say RAT?" I asked and I was answered by lots of nodding heads. I turned but caught no sight of him. "RAT SOLO!", I called out, realizing the delivery of the song was shot. I walked to the back of the stage, offering him my accompaniment, but his little rat voice was not strong enough to be heard over the guitar. I tried my best to finish the tune, but all I could do was laugh, realizing I had just been upstaged by a RAT!
Wrote a tune with two chords! A train tune, no less.
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